Then:
"I wasn't really enjoying running too much . . . I was pretty miserable."
Now:
"I feel so lucky to be alive and running . . . so strong and healthy and
happy.."  photo
by Bill Leung | [Editor's
Note: A year ago, Amber Trotter qualified for the Foot Locker national finals
as a junior. Then she suffered a lost season last spring as she fell into the
grip of an eating disorder. This fall, Amber has come back better than ever with
an undefeated cross country season, Mt. SAC championship in course record time,
and the fastest times in the nation. We asked her to talk about her past, present,
and future.
-- John Dye 10/30/01]
Trotter
talks to the media after record win at Mt. SAC |
This
is Amber's unedited response to questions submitted by DyeStat
about her Past
- Present - and FuturePASTDyeStat:
Did your parents compete in athletics? Neither of my parents were really
into athletics, though my dad played football his freshman and sophomore years
in high school. DyeStat: When did you start running competitively? I
started running track in sixth grade, but I don't know if you could call it competitively.
the season lasted about a month DyeStat: When did you have your first
success running? I really started running the summer before my freshman
year and my success running began that fall DyeStat: What motivated you
to run? My coaches and teammates certainly affected my motivation (especially
my head coach Jerry Drew) but my desire and drive to run has always come from
within. DyeStat: You come from an area that has produced many great
runners, such as Julia Stamps and Sara Bei. How important was their example to
your running career? Having super runners like Sara and Julia in the
area certainly contributed to my motivation. DyeStat: Have you participated
in other sports besides running? I played both soccer and basketball
and had been on the swim team, but running was unlike anything else. it was so
free and pure and gutsy! DyeStat: You were very straightforward after
Mt. SAC in discussing your eating disorder. Based on what you know now, when did
you start having an eating disorder? Why? Did you realize then that you had an
eating disorder? I began developing an eating disorder late fall of
my sophomore year, I guess, and no, I did not realize what was happening. The
reasons are complex and numerous and I'm still struggling to understand. Teenage
eating disorders are becoming increasingly and alarmingly prevalent in first world
nations, and I feel that cultural pressure had a good deal to do with my disorder.
From infancy we are bombarded with images of anorexic-looking women and given
the message that that is how we are supposed to appear. My obsessive-compulsive
personality, running, and family issues probably all contributed. . . Losing weight
(and, by the way, I was never heavy-- I'm 5'7'' and weighed about 125 before I
started dropping. . .) boosted both my self-esteem and running performance (initially). DyeStat:
When did this start to impact your life adversely, such as by inferior performance
on the track or in the classroom? My grades never dropped, but I began
losing contact with people, losing my passion for living and interest in my academics
late fall of my junior year. I wasn't really enjoying running too much by the
end of the season last year and felt totally drained by nationals. DyeStat:
What were your feelings when you couldn't run last spring? Last winter
was rough - I was pretty miserable. My running started to suffer in the spring.
I didn't fully realize that, however, and bitterly resented being forbidden to
compete. What opened my eyes was being allowed to compete in two meets last spring.
I felt utterly powerless and knew how far out of balance my life had spun. DyeStat:
What was the treatment and what was the process that brought you back to running
shape to win the Great Race of the Great Bay at San Francisco in September?
It's been a process of rebuilding ever since. A painful and long process with
many set-backs. I'm still not over it, but I am working with a nutritionist and
psychologist who specializes in eating disorders. I'm working on behavior modification
and trying to get in 3000 calories a day. My coach, family, and friends have been
unbelievably supportive. DyeStat: After winning at San Francisco, you
were very emotional. Can you describe your feelings then? Running
at san francisco was an amazingly rewarding experience. I felt so strong and healthy
and happy. . . there aren't really words to describe it. Deeply grateful. I feel
so lucky to be alive and running and am greatly indebted to many people.
PRESENT
DyeStat:
After winning Mt. SAC in record time, you spoke of the sheer joy of running and
that records weren't important. Can you elaborate on that? Running
is, like I said, unlike any other sport, and there was a point in my life where
I wasn't enjoying it. I have rediscovered how beautiful my sport is and am in
love with the process. that's what counts: loving it and bringing my best to my
competitors. Not winning. DyeStat: What is your response to people, such
as on the message boards, who say you look too thin? Yeah, I probably
am too thin. Like I said, I am still recovering-- fighting with a vicious disease.
Add that to the inherent difficulty of gaining weight running 60 miles a week
with a fair amount of speed work, and you have a little insight into my problem! DyeStat:
Do you have brothers or sisters? I have a 14 year old brother and 10
year old sister. I am very close to my family. DyeStat: Have you lived
in Ukiah all your life? I actually live in Redwood Valley, 20 minutes
north of Ukaih, and have lived here since I was about 2 1/2. DyeStat:
What do you do just for fun? (assuming you have time) I love to dance,
garden, play the piano, sing, cook, hike, bike, swim, read, write poetry and soak
in the hot tub! FUTUREDyeStat: What
are your goals for the rest of the season? My goal for the rest of
the season is to stay healthy and balanced, make nationals and give that race
my best. DyeStat: What will your training be like between now and the
California State Meet November 24? My training from now until state
meet will be essentially the same as now (tempo longer intervals, faster 100s
and 200s, drills, etc.) with decreased mileage. The speed-work will increase,
too. DyeStat: Do you think having Foot Locker right after the California
State Meet is an advantage or disadvantage for California runners?
The state, regionals, nationals thing is a bit rough. Running hard at state and
regionals could fry people for nationals. But last year, the West was so dominant--
it doesn't seem to be too big of a deal. It's crucial not to run Mt. Sac too hard,
though. I'm glad we don't have a long break in between because I think we'd get
out of touch with competing. The traveling part is hard, too. I had major jet-lag
last year. DyeStat: Have you made any college campus visits? I
have visited many colleges, but none officially. DyeStat: Some people
are surprised that you want to attend Middlebury, a small school in Vermont, instead
of a Division 1 school. Do you care to comment on that? I am very happy
with Middlebury, both academically and athletically. I also love the area. Terry
Aldrich is great and I think that I will have a lot of fun running for him. I
don't want a whole lot of intense pressure. My decision is in large part academic,
however. GENERALDyeStat: What advice do you have for young
runners? This is your chance to sound off without filtering or interpretation
by reporters. Anything else you want to say to DyeStat? hmmmm.
. . this is an exciting opportunity. : ) I don't have anything too much
to say, except that running is a truly AMAZING sport, allowing you to really get
in touch with yourself and challenge your fears and weaknesses. I have met an
astounding number of wonderful people through running and formed friendships that
I hope will last me a lifetime. My advice to young runners is to run for the joy,
the thrill, the challenge, and keep it in balance with the rest of your life.
Racing is not a matter of life and death; everyone has good races and everyone
has bad ones. Remind yourself while you race how strong and courageous you are,
dig down, and I'm sure you'll be impressed by what you find. You can be waaay
tough!! (or not, some days, and that's ok, too.) Remember WHY YOU RUN and
that you LOVE TO RUN and LOVE YOURSELF. SMILE! It always helps me to think about
how hard everyone else in my race/ on my team is working and that I owe it to
them to run my best. A big thank you to an endless list of people and good
luck to anyone reading this interview.
Amber Trotter | 
