Character Counts!!
Michael Josephson Newsletter - November 24th, 2004

In light of the horrific publicity of poor behavior and sportsmanship of recent in pro basketball and other levels of sports and life we thought we would resume something we did a few years back, publish the comments of Michael Josephson, who had a foundation that deals with the six foundations of character - trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship. It is hoped that people will take the time read the following, it will provide some well-thought out reminders of the importance of these areas in life. May provide a coach, parent, or athlete with a word or two to pass along to the family or troops along the way!! The link to Mr. Josephson's foundation is at the bottom of the page - amazing effort by this man and his supporters!!

Quotations

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
-- William Arthur Ward, American scholar, author, editor, pastor and teacher (1921-1994)

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
-- Elizabeth Bibesco, British poet and author (1897-1945)

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.
-- Cicero, Roman statesman, lawyer and author (106 B.C. - 43 B.C.)

If you never learn the language of gratitude you`ll never be on speaking terms with happiness.
-- Proverb

When eating a fruit, think of the person who planted the tree.
-- Vietnamese saying

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Commentaries

Disney Chief Lies, the Press and Public Yawn 385.1

You couldn`t miss the story about the riot at the Indiana-Detroit basketball game, yet a bigger story was greatly underplayed. Unless you read the business section of your newspaper you probably don`t know about the recent courtroom testimony of Michael Eisner, the Chairman of the Walt Disney company.

During cross-examination, this prominent business executive admitted without embarrassment or remorse that he repeatedly lied publicly and privately to conceal a monumental business error and an irreparable rift between Disney and its newly-hired-but-in-the-process-of-being-fired president Michael Ovitz - a termination that cost Disney $140 million.

The audacity and content of the admissions should have merited headlines, but I`m afraid this is another example of the disease of low expectations. Despite indignant huffing and puffing about the lies and deceptions that led to a parade of multi-billion-dollar corporate scandals, it seems that no one really expects top corporate leaders to be honest, at least not when lots of money is on the line.

How else do you explain the ho-hum indifference to Mr. Eisner`s confession that he deliberately lied on the Larry King Show in order to soothe worried employees and investors and to protect the lies he was telling to Sony Corporation as he tried to convince them to take over the Ovitz contract? Oh, he also lied in subsequent press releases and interviews and at least "exaggerated" the facts in internal memos.

People get fired for years-old lies on resumes, but here you have the CEO of the biggest brand in family entertainment as well as ABC News reveal himself to be a serial unrepentant liar. But instead of moral outrage, the press and the public just yawn.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Be Thankful That Today Is Yours 385.2

It`s tempting to want to talk about the distressing violence in sports today and what this says about trends that are de-civilizing our society, but this is Thanksgiving week and I`d rather devote our short time together to more positive thoughts.

With so many things to complain about it isn`t easy to shift into a thankfulness mode, but it is time to think about and appreciate the many things we should be grateful for. Foremost among these things is our ability to live today.

The lyrics of the song "Today Is Mine" by Jerry Hubbard, and popularized by Glen Campbell, is an ode to life worthy of your holiday table:

When the sun came up this morning I took the time to watch it rise
And as its beauty struck the darkness from the sky
I thought how small and unimportant all my troubles seem to be
And how lucky another day belongs to me
And as the sleepy world around me woke up to greet the day
All its silent beauty seemed to say
So what, my friend, if all your dreams you haven`t realized
Just look around you, you`ve got a new day to try
Today is mine, today is mine/ To do with what I will
Today is mine/ My own special cup to fill
To die a little that I might learn to live
To take from life that I might learn to give
Today is mine
Like most men I curse the present void of peace of mind
And race my thoughts beyond tomorrow
Envision there a sweeter time
But as I view this day around me I can see the fool I`ve been
For today`s the only garden that we can tend

And today is mine.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

"That`s Just the Way I Am" 385.3

"That`s just the way I am."

When we hear this, someone is usually telling us to "get off my back" or "accept me as I am." Often it`s a response to criticism. It could be about chronic lateness, thoughtlessness, broken promises, physical or verbal abuse, or infidelity. Whatever it is, we`re asked to let it go.

In the end, this is a ploy to get us to lower our expectations based on the dubious idea that certain bad habits are an intrinsic part of character and therefore beyond our control. We`re expected to believe that it`s foolish and futile to expect a person to change.

There are, of course, lots of things that are beyond our control: like being short, having big bones, or a receding hairline. Fortunately, character is different. It`s completely within our control. The poor and the rich, the slow and the smart, the plain and the pretty all have an equal opportunity to become people of character.

Sure, character is influenced by heredity and environment, but it`s determined by choice. No disposition, circumstance or experience is so powerful that it forever fixes our character. Our character is never completely finished. It`s constantly shaped and sculpted by the choices we make to nurture or ignore our more noble instincts and to surrender to or overcome negative impulses and corrupting temptations.

When it comes to what we demand of ourselves, or of others, we shouldn`t lower our standards. Character is a function of choice, and we should never let today`s weaknesses and bad habits be used as an excuse not to get better.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

That`s Life! Be Thankful for Every Moment 385.4

In preparation for this Thanksgiving Day, my wife Anne and I have gone through the regular rituals. She rented the tent, tables and chairs so we can accommodate 50 to 60 extended family and scattered friends.

And of course, I felt a sentimental attachment using mother`s 50-year-old pink-handled Melmac potato masher to make 30 pounds of my special onion-laced mashed potatoes.

Every year the cast changes. The continual addition of new mates, dates and babies is heartwarming while the absence of dear ones is deeply sorrowful.

Our Thanksgiving feast represents the continuity of life. Inevitably, some of the family are in the midst of or are anticipating joyous occasions while others are bearing the burdens of loss or some other family crisis.

But no matter how good or bad things seem to be going at the moment I find it soul nurturing to take some time to think about and be thankful for the littler pleasures, even the annoyances that mark our everyday lives.

Like a few days ago when my daughter Carissa told me how much she loves my mashed potatoes and that I must be the greatest dad in the world. Then she said, "I told my teacher Miss Steincamp that you would make potatoes for my whole class." It took me two hours late last night to meet her promise.

The next day after I dropped off my three youngest daughters at school I got teary just watching them walk together almost hidden by their huge backpacks. Ten minutes later I was less enthralled to get a call on my cellphone from Carissa asking if I would PLEASE go back home and bring her violin to the school.

That`s life -- and I`m thankful for every moment of it.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Appreciating Appreciation 385.5

There`s a song titled "Thank God for Dirty Dishes" that makes the point that if you are lucky enough to have enough food to make dirty dishes you should be grateful.

So instead of grousing about your property taxes, be thankful that you own property. And when you have to wait in line at the bank or are stuck in traffic, just be grateful that you have money in the bank and a car to drive.

Easier said than done!

I have to admit that for me, appreciation does not come naturally. I`m not sure how, but somewhere along the line I came to associate gratitude with settling for whatever you get and not pushing harder to get more. Gratitude seemed like a form of surrender and a very poor life strategy. After all, if you`re satisfied with the way things are, you`ll never make them better.

What a pity I had to reach my 50s before I began to appreciate appreciation and realize it feels good to feel good about something -- and that there is always something to feel good about.

Though I don`t do it enough, I`ve come to understand the profound wisdom in clichés like "stop and smell the roses" and "count your blessings." They remind us how easy it is to overlook things we could enjoy now while we look for what we think will make us happy later.

I`m still a novice at this, but I can tell you that the more I appreciate, the happier I am. And I know that the more appreciative my children learn to be, the happier they`ll be.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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Online Poll at CharacterCounts.org:

The Case of the Trick-Teaching Coach

You are a basketball player and your coach has taught the team how
to illegally hold and push in ways that refs find hard to detect.
What do you do?

1. Use these tactics in play. The other team is probably using them
too.
2. Don`t use them, but don`t complain. This is a gray-zone issue,
a matter of personal conscience.
3. Complain to the coach or your parents.

Take the poll, see how others voted, and share your comments:
http://www.charactercounts.org

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These commentaries are just one of the many ways the nonprofit
Josephson Institute is working to improve the ethical environment.
To read about the Institute`s numerous activities please visit
www.charactercounts.org and www.josephsoninstitute.org.

If you find value in this free newsletter and the work of the
Josephson Institute, please consider making a tax-deductible
donation by using our secure online system at:
http://www.charactercounts.org/donations.htm

Last week's Newsletter:

The Double Bat Mitzvah 384.1

Yesterday I attended an extraordinary event -- a double bat mitzvah (that's the special coming of age ritual for Jewish women). What made it extraordinary was that the celebrants were 13-year-old Eliana Levenson and her 60-year-old grandmother, Naomi Goodkin.

Though the ritual of the bar mitzvah for boys becoming men is thousands of years old, the first bat mitzvah in the United States was held in 1922 for the daughter of a controversial rabbi named Mordecai Kaplan who later founded the Reconstructionist movement, a new branch of Judaism. The practice only became common in the 1960s, so very few of Naomi's contemporaries experienced a bat mitzvah. Preparation for the ceremonial public reading of a portion of the Torah involves learning Hebrew and a solid grounding in Jewish ritual and history. Many Jewish children are urged or coerced to go to Hebrew school by their parents. Adults have to be much more strongly self-motivated.

Naomi’s motivation was a desire to fulfill a promise she made years ago to her daughter, who challenged her to practice what she preached. "I'll do it when your daughter does," Naomi said. It's not clear she really thought anyone would call her on her promise, but her grand daughter Eliana did and Naomi kept her word -- and it wasn't easy.

Her reading of the Torah wasn’t as fluent as Eliana's and her chanting wasn't as lovely from a musical point of view, but the significance of Naomi's willingness to keep her promise and to grow spiritually demonstrated great character and set a wonderful example for her whole family. When Eliana sang "You Are My Hero" to her study companion, everyone could see it was worth it. As Naomi's brother and Eliana's uncle, I'm proud of both of them.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

If You Love Competition You Never Lose 384.2

Is the Olympics all about winning or is it about the glory of competition itself? If you can't see the difference, suppose you were an Olympic athlete in 1980 when you learned that for political reasons you would not be competing against the Russians, many of them among the world's finest athletes. Would you rejoice or be disappointed?
Every real competitor wants to win, but Olympic medalist John Naber says that the real meaning of the Olympic ideal is about the honorable pursuit of victory, not simply the victory itself. Thus, true competitors hate it when top athletes are injured or disqualified because they want to win against their best opponent on their best day. Being declared the winner is not real victory. Being the best is.
In the 1936 Olympics, for example, the German track star Luz Long actually helped Jesse Owens qualify after jitters made him foot-fault twice. Long lost to Owens but he trotted around the track arm-in-arm with him when it was over.
Athletic competition is not a form of war. The people you compete against are also the people you play with. They are not your enemies. The word "competition" comes from the Latin root "competere," which means to strive together, not against each other. Be thankful for quality competitors who push you to your limit. What's more, you'll find sports more healthy and enjoyable when you respect and even like your opponents rather than hate them. When you compete with someone as good as or better than you, you may not always win, but you never lose.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

The Importance of Expressing Appreciation 384.3

I run into a lot of cynics. The nicer ones commend me for good intentions but they all have one common question: "Do you really think that your little 90-second talks about ethics and character really make any difference?" Their message: You're wasting your time. People are what they are and nothing you say will make them change.

So do I feel like Don Quixote tilting at windmills? A salmon swimming upstream? A voice in the wilderness? To be honest, sometimes when I'm so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open, I do wonder whether it's worth the effort. But then I'll receive a letter from someone who says that they found something I said very valuable and I get reenergized.

I was especially weary last week when I received a letter from Calvin Cohen, a 13-year-old who thanked me for being a positive influence in his life. He said my commentaries stimulated him to become a kinder and less egotistical person. It was better than vitamins. My point isn't to congratulate myself for making a difference in Calvin's life. Rather, it is to thank him for making a difference in mine.

Don't underestimate the impact we have when we take the time to make someone feel important, valued and valuable. Children, parents, teachers, bosses, coworkers, even people you don't know personally crave confirmation of their worth. So if you want to make a difference in the lives of others, give compliments, express gratitude and write notes whenever you can do so sincerely. No act of appreciation is ever wasted.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

"I'm Only a One-Star" 384.4

Years ago I was talking to a group of Army generals about the way the politicians often treat the defense budget as an all-purpose public works fund to help bring money into their districts. One general admitted, "Yes, if the chairman of the Appropriations Committee comes from a place that makes trucks, we're probably going to buy those trucks. That’s the way it is, the way it always was and the way it always will be."

I suggested that it was a form of bribery to buy the trucks just to please the politician. The general barked, "It's not bribery. It's extortion!"

"Don't sound so powerless," I replied. "You're a GENERAL!"

Without skipping a beat, he answered, "Yeah, but I'm only a one-star."

"I'm only a one-star." I hear this sort of abdication of moral responsibility a lot -- from business executives who surrender to "pressures" to engage in dubious business practices, journalists who see their great calling being overcome by a growing profit obsession and others who just feel they can't buck the system.

I understand it's easier and often seems smarter to go along to get along yet when systems become corrupt, irrational or wasteful, it's our duty to what we can do to make things better.

As Edward Everett Hale said, "It's true I am only one, but I am one. And the fact that I can't do everything will not prevent me from doing what I can do."

When there's a gap between reality and ethical ideals, people of character don't surrender their ideals. They fight for them. They work to change the way things "are" to the way they "ought to be." And much more often than we realize, defective systems collapse at the first sight of principled resistance.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Can I Borrow $100? 384.5

Tim was disappointed that his father didn’t attend the last soccer game of the season, but he wasn’t surprised. Tim was a mature 10-year-old and he understood that lots of clients depended on his dad, who had to work most nights and weekends. Still, it made him sad, especially since this year he won the league’s most valuable player award.

One evening Tim got up the nerve to interrupt his father's work to ask him how much lawyers actually make per hour. His father was annoyed and gruffly answered, "Well, they pay me $300 an hour."

Tim gulped and said, "Wow, that's a lot. Would you lend me $100?"

"Of course not," his father barked. "Please, let me work."

Later, the father felt guilty and went to Tim’s room where he found him sobbing. "Son," he said, "I'm sorry. If you need money of course I’ll lend it to you. But can I ask why?"

Tim said, "Daddy, I know your time is really worth a lot and with the $200 I already have, I’ll have enough. Can I buy an hour so you can come to the awards banquet on Friday?"

It hit his father like a punch to the heart when he realized his son needed him even more than his clients did and that he needed to be there for his son more than he needed money or career accolades. He hugged his son and said, "I'm so proud of you nothing could keep me away."

Lots of parents are stretched to their limit trying to balance business demands and family needs. It's always a matter of priorities. But if we don't arrange our lives to be there for our children, they will regret it -- and after it's too late, so will we.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
*This story is derived and adapted from one that has been circulated on the Internet without attribution. The original source is unknown.