December Sportsmanship Newsletter
Josephson Institute
December 7th, 2005

Kids Like to Win; Adults Need to Win 388.1 


Whether you're a sports fan or not, you have to acknowledge the powerful cultural influence sports has on our culture. The values of millions of participants and spectators are shaped by the values conveyed in sports, including our views on what is permissible and proper in the competitive pursuit of personal goals.

Professional sports and even highly competitive intercollegiate sports seem irreversibly addicted to the idea that sports is basically a business and that the only thing that makes sports profitable is winning. And if that means we have to tolerate egocentric, self-indulgent showboating or whining, violence or even cheating, so be it. Clearly these attitudes have invaded youth sports as well. Everywhere we see that a lot of adults -- both coaches and parents -- need to grow up and realize the game is not about their egos or ambitions.

The appropriate mission of youth sports is to provide kids a safe environment in which they have fun, build character, learn to practice sportsmanship and develop skills and traits that help them become responsible citizens and live happy, healthy lives. Striving to win is an important aspect of competition and teaching kids how to compete effectively is important, but youth sports is not primarily about winning. It's about trying to win and learning through effort and improvement.

Of course winning is fun and kids like to win, but it's the adults who distort the experience because of their need to win. No matter how much we try, only a few youngsters will move beyond high school sports, and an even tinier percentage will make a living from athletics. But when done well, every participant can build positive life skills and gain lifelong memories from the pursuit of victory with honor.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts. 


The Way You Live Your Dash 388.2


Linda Ellis wrote this powerful poem in tribute to her grandmother. It's called "The Dash."

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of his friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth and spoke the following date with tears.

But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own – the cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard . . . Are there things you'd like to change?

For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down long enough to consider what's true and real,

And always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more,

And love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile,

Remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's been read with your life's actions to rehash,

Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?

Linda has written dozens of beautiful and insightful poems you can find at www.lindaslyrics.com. It's worth a visit.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

More Wisdom for Teens  388.3


Last week I passed on some quotations that I thought would be helpful for teens. Lots of people wrote and asked for more so here are a few more maxims. Each one is worth a separate discussion.

1. Remember, love isn't really about touching someone -- it's about reaching someone.
-- Sean Covey

2. Temptation usually comes in through a door that has deliberately been left open.
-- Unknown

3. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
-- Albert Einstein

4. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
-- Charles Dederich

5. You don't do drugs; drugs do you.
-- Unknown

6. Where there's a will, there's a way.
-- Unknown

7. There are two things you don't want to be: a user or someone who is used.
-- Michael Josephson

8. If you're going to spend your life climbing the ladder of success, be sure it is leaning against the right wall.
-- derived from Stephen Covey

9. Other people's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
-- Les Brown

10. Necessity is not a fact, it's an interpretation.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

11. The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
-- Sally Berger

12. The problem with the rat race it that even if you win you're still a rat.
-- Lily Tomlin

13. Experimenting with drugs is like target practice where your head is the bull's-eye.
-- Michael Josephson

14. If you don't have time now to do it right, when will you find the time to do it over?
-- derived from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

15. If you change your mind, you can change your life.
-- William James

16. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

To find these and other great quotations visit www.charactercounts.org.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.


Competition: "I Just Have to Outrun You" 388.4


It's an old story. Two friends are hiking in the woods when they come upon a menacing-looking bear walking directly toward them. When one fellow starts to slowly remove his backpack, the other whispers, "What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna run for it," came the reply.

"But you can't outrun a bear," his pal protested.

"I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."

Everywhere we see people living their lives according to this Social Darwinian "law of the jungle" mentality. They see everything as a competition justifying the most extreme tactics to assure their own "survival." You've heard the rationales: "It's a dog-eat-dog world," "eat or be eaten," "you've got to look out for Number One."

Our best instincts for self-sacrifice and our commitment to the common good is regularly undermined by a modern culture featuring endless variations of the "Survivor" show where the object of a game is to eliminate other people.

It's disturbing how many people are willing to become conscienceless gladiators pursuing blatant me-first life philosophies. People who think winning is everything usually are willing to do anything to win. Integrity, respect for others, compassion and fairness – they all become obstacles. But as Lily Tomlin said, "The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."

Our task is to control and discipline our selfish instincts in honor of moral principles like love and caring for others. This doesn't mean we always have to put others first or live our lives in a complete state of self-sacrifice, but it surely demands that we are willing to do so occasionally.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.


Finding God in the Park 388.5


Abe was fiercely independent even at the age of 85, but after a mild stroke his son insisted that he move in with him. Abe missed going to the park near his old apartment and one Saturday he set out to find it. When he became disoriented he asked a young boy where the park was. The boy named Timmy said that he'd like to take Abe there but that he didn't have time because he was out looking for God. Timmy said he needed to talk to him about why his parents were getting a divorce.

"Maybe God is in the park," said the old man. "I'd like to talk to him too about why he has made me useless." And so they set off together to find God.

At the park Timmy began to cry about the divorce and Abe lovingly held his face in both hands and looked him straight in the eyes. "Timmy, I don't know why bad things happen, but I know it's not because of you. I know you're a good boy and your parents love you and you'll be OK."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Timmy gave Abe a big hug and said, "I'm so glad I met you. Thanks. I think I can go now."

From across the street Timmy's mother had seen them hug so she approached him and in a worried voice said, "Who was that old man?"

"I think he's God," Timmy said.

"Did he say that?" the mother demanded.

"No, but when he touched me and told me I'm going to be OK, I really felt better. I think only God can do that."

When Abe got home, his son in a scolding voice asked, "Where were you?"

"I was in the park with God," Abe said.

"Really? What makes you think you were with God?"

"Because he sent me a boy who needed me, and when the boy hugged me I felt God telling me I wasn't useless."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.